annoyed...at myself

I'm annoyed...at myself...so forgive me if I rant and rave a little. As I sit here writing this I am tired and feeling drained. Not the typical late night tiredness (although that too) but also because it was a very rough day physically. My sugar was all over the place today...I had a major crash around 11:00, to the point where I came home and tested to see just hoe bad it was....yeah it wasn't good. So I ate something and relaxed a little and it did come back up so I headed back to work. Still not feeling the greatest but I had to get back to work so that I could actually have my vacation for the next 3 days. Anyway, about an hour or so after I got back to work I felt a crash coming on so I tested and it was dropping again which I couldn't figure out. Anyway....throughout the day it was up and down and I really had to make sure I was eating to get it stabilized. So after a day like that you tend to feel exhausted and kind of woozy...almost like a hangover feeling.
So why do I tell you this? Well I am more getting it out because I am pissed that I let it happen and actually have been letting it happen for the last month or so. See, when I am eating healthy and eating smaller meals and cutting out the crap, this doesn't happen. I feel good and have fairly good energy. So why the heck is it that even when I know this...I still choose to make shitty decisions when it comes to what I eat/drink. I add drink in there because my coffee drinks are some of my worse offenders.
I am tired of being on this roller coaster that I put myself on...this up and down of eating right and not eating right. I just can't seem to keep myself on a good pattern and it is pissing me off.
I am sick and tired of being..well... sick and tired....Tomorrow I am going to a metabolic disorder doctor. I had this suggestion from my trainer and the more research I did on it, the more I realized that I have a lot of the symptoms of a metabolic disorder. So tomorrow I will go for the initial testing where we will talk about all my crappy symptoms and do some tests (including bloodwork..yuck!) I am both excited and apprehensive...I want to see if this really could be what I am fighting and how I can combat it.
In the meantime, I vow never to have another day like today in terms of my sugar...and I know how to avoid it...so I just need to stick with that!!