reflections in the mirror

do you wish that sometimes you didn't have to look in the mirror?? Do you look at yourself and sometimes are not even aware of who that person is looking back at you? Since I was a little girl I have battled with being overweight. I can't even remember being able to shop in the "juniors" section I went straight to women's. Looking in the mirror even then I remember the voices in my head....why is my face pudgy? why can't I have nice clear skin? why can't my teeth be straight? I still hear those same voices today...they are just a little different as I get older...why is my face still pudgy? why do I have teenage skin? why do I have hair where I shouldn't? It has always been hard to look in the mirror and see "me"...to see my soul....I can't get past the physical. I believe it when people say that true beauty comes from within, but with the society we live in it makes is really hard not to wish for outer beauty.
For someone who has fought my entire life with weight, food and exercise I am quickly getting tired. Tired of trying something "new", the next great "plan"...what I am quickly learning is that this problem really isn't about what I eat (with the exception of a few indulgences) it is about my mindset.
My mind is my worse enemy in more ways than one....I have dealt with anxiety and depression since high school. The way that my anxious mind works is that it moves about 500 miles a minute from one thing to another. These things are usually not the everyday stuff like what to get at the grocery store or forgetting to put away laundry. Generally my mind thinks about things I said in a conversation, what I want to change, the "what ifs" This includes all the icky body image stuff and comparing myself to others....oh mind how I wish sometimes you could just shut-off.
I have been doing a lot of reading about creative visualization (more to come on that), the other day a quote came up that said "What we think about is what we bring about" Think about (haha no pun intended) when you decide to be in a good mood and don't let anything get you down you overall have a better day, week, etc. When you think about how something is going to "suck"..like the next day at work, dinner with family or whatever you do indeed have a crappy day. The same goes for thinking about my body..if I zone in and think about the things that I like about my body I will be happy about it. Right now I can accept my body as it is..today.
I found this "mantra" I guess that might just post by my mirror so that I can read it every time I see it....

I am an amazing, unique, beautiful, and intelligent person. I have a special perspective to bring to the table, because I am a result of my lived experiences, and thus, no other person on earth can offer exactly what I can. I am lovable, and am as successful as I allow myself to be. I am worth listening to.