patterns

So for my little OCD brain...yes at least I admit it...patterns are kind of my thing. I like things to be organized and even...like when it comes to Christmas ornaments or something like that...it needs to be in an organized pattern. So is that the kind of pattern I am going to talk about...not quite.

pat·tern, noun

A consistent, characteristic form, style, or method, as:
a. A composite of traits or features characteristic of an individual or a group: one's pattern of behavior.
b. Form and style in an artistic work or body of artistic works.

In life we have patterns that we fall into. Patterns of how we do things, how we speak, how we dress even. Some are learned as a child, most I feel are learned at more impressionable ages and times of our lives. I was talking to a friend a few weeks ago about negative patterns...we all have them...overeating, smoking, shopping too much, keeping things we don't need...the list can go on. Some of us only battle one, some might battle several. And they are a battle...you know deep down you need to change or break the pattern. Maybe you change for a little while but then you slip right back into the pattern, maybe you are sooo deep into it that you don't even know how to pull yourself out.
I myself right now am battling the whole eating right, dieting, exercising battle. I have a very clear pattern where this subject is concerned. I get really pumped up and find myself reading, researching, trying new things all in the hopes that this time something will help me from breaking the pattern. I spend A LOT of money on gym memberships, personal training, accessories that will help my workouts, whatever it may be...I do it...for awhile at least. Then something happens...maybe I get sick and have to take some time off or I am not seeing results quick enough so I think nothing will work. OR I will decide to try something new which usually involves more research, money, etc....see my pattern here?
What's funny (well not really) is that I totally see my pattern and am very aware of it, but still don't have the knowledge or really the willpower of how to break it. Having learned a little in the past few years about addiction I know that the only way to break negative behaviors is to just keep working at it...one day at a time. As I said in my last post every day is new and a fresh start. Had a bad dinner last night? OK fine, but get right back on the healthy train this morning. If you don't...it will just build again and snowball.
We want so bad to break patterns and what I think we don't think about is that most of these patterns took YEARS to build. They will not change overnight...it is just not even possible. Do I wish I was like Samantha on Bewitched and just twinkle my nose...hell yeah! Who doesn't? It will take days, months, maybe even years to break the pattern and you just have to be kind to yourself in the meantime.